You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
