Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
sex in a hospital.. check
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
