Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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