The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
