"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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