Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
