My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
