Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
