ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize