All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
