man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
