she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
