Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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