I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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