On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
