it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
