You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
