Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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