Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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