So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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