So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
