the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
