my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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