dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
