I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
