My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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