can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
