Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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