it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
