Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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