i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
