Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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