I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize