I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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