did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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