Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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