I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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