Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
