I wish i was in the wii world.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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