I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
