you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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