is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize