I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
