no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
