Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
