My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
