I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
