Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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