The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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