He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
