Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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