your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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