Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
