Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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