also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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