3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As shirtless as possible
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
