I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
