Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
