so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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