checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
