Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
