i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
