I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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