So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
COCAINE IS GR8
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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