my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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