I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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