Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
