Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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