You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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