omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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