I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
