Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
