his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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