he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
