well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
