i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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