I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
