Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
