oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
