Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
