The maid of honor just puked.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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