you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
