dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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