Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
