I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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