girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
