Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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