shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
