it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
