Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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