Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
