I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
