This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
