Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize