The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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